East and I were talking yesterday about the gifts we got for each other, teasing and saying things like “you will never guess what I got you”  and “I can’t wait to watch you open your gifts, you will love them”. When we both agreed, it doesn’t matter one bit what gifts are or aren’t under the tree, we both have everything we want, each other and Van, all together. This year, more then ever, we are truly celebrating the gift of family. It’s been a hard fought year, but oh so worth it in the end. Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are feeling as blessed as we are this year.

So I think I’m going to start blogging at the old place again. Don’t worry though, because I will still continue to blog here. I really like the openess I’ve allowed for myself here, and I love that I can share things here that I don’t feel comfortable sharing in other areas of my life. So there will just be more of me to love.

If you lost the link or forget where the old place is, just put a little note in the comments and I will send it to you, I don’t want to post it here incase I get “found out” lol.

Lots going on in my little old brain lately, and my fingers and dying to get it all out, so stayed tuned, more to come, both here at Eyes and in the Old Place.

Almost done! Stay tuned for pictures!

Van must have senced I was going to blog, he just woke up. Hopefully in the next day or two I will have pictures to be posted, and updates to be updated!

So I’ve decided which pictures to submit to the contest, thanks for your help! These are the final three:

Oh, and I should mention that in “The Big Cheer” I cropped it so you can’t see the coach walking in, but you only get the kids all cheering.

It was a hard decision, there were two others I really wanted to add (one being the cliff and water) and the other being one of Donovan crawling, but you could only see his face and the background was fuzy. But I was the only one that seemed to like those, so I thought I would go with the majority.

Jules, I did like the footprint, but once it was developed in 8*10 it wasn’t as obvious as I would have liked, so the watery landscape took it’s place.

Thanks for everyones input! I’ll let you know if I win!!

Yes yes I know, I’m still alive, not that you would have know it by the amount of posts I’ve written (wrote? written?) lately! Sorry about thing, this little thing called life keeps creeping up and getting in the way. That and the other reason is I just don’t find myself as motivated as I used to be to blog. I think part of that is for a while I was using blogging as my way of interacting with people, as a way to fill the void in my life that was created when East and I started having communication problems. But now that those problems are under control and we are communication better I don’t find that I need the outlet of blogging quite as much.  Don’t get me wrong, I still like connecting with you guys, but I find that I don’t need it as much as I once did.

So we have been busy preparing for the Christmas season, we have to get all the gifts for East’s family in the mail by December first so we have been shopping (all done!) and then making their gifts in the evenings. We are making a DVD of highlights from the last year, and it’s something that is very bitter sweet. I love to look back and see the changes in Van’s life, but for me it is also very painful to look back too far. I feel kinda like our life as a family really started when he was 10months old. That’s when Jamie and I went to counseling and our lives as we know it today, our happy open and honest lives started. When I look back at pictures or video that happened before that time I’m reminded of how I was feeling back then. And it’s funny, because at the time I was living it, I knew I wasn’t truly happy, but I also didn’t think it was THAT bad. But now, when I look back and I know what the true potential of our family is, and I know the happiness I’ve experienced in the last 6 months, I know what I was missing back then. It’s almost like going through the pictures and videos is a way for me to grieve what I had missed out on back then. However, it also causes me to re-feel the pain of that time too. But it’s not all bad, because I am constantly reminded how much better things are now, and I can look at those pictures and see the hurt behind the smiles, and I can say to those people, “just you wait, it gets WAY better”. And I can know that to be true, because right now, in this moment, I am living the WAY BETTER.

I think in a way healing is a long term process. For the most part, during the days I am fine, but there are still times, when something little, sometimes I don’t even know what it is, will trigger a memory or a feeling, and I am taken back a place in time when things weren’t so good. And then, in that moment I have a choice to make, and I choose to let it go, or work through it and get better. I choose to heal and I choose to be happy. I do not want to take that hurt with me anymore.

Forgiveness is also a journey. And although it was relatively easy for me to forgive East, I’ve had a much harder time forgiving her. But I know that in order for ME to truly find healing and closer that is something I have to do. I’m getting there. Every time I think of something that brings up the hurts of the past, I’m getting better and better at letting it go, and I can feel the forgiveness coming. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it’s something that I know I need to do, and something I am doing.

I don’t want this post to sound like me complaining, or to sound like I’m always living in the past, because believe me I’m not. Most of the time I’m very happy and very content, but there are times, when I do still think about things, and I’m just doing my best to work through things and heal the hurts in me, so I can be the best mom, the best wife, and the best ME that I can be.

And on the note of completely changing topics! I need your help! There is a photo contest being held in the dialysis unit of the hospital here in town (the one my grandma goes to three times a week). They want photo’s that are of “kids, landscapes, pets, abstract” basically anything, they just want to brighten up the halls. I’ve narrowed down my options to a this bunch, but I need your help in deciding my final submissions, I’m thinking on sending in three. So take a look at these and let me know which ones you think I should submit!

Well there’s lots more to talk about, like East’s boxing, and the kitchen reno and my work, but Van is waking from his nap, so that’s my cue that my time is up!

I look forward to hearing your suggestions about the pictures, I think I know which three I want to submit, but I would love to find out if your choices are the same as mine, and don’t forget to tell me WHY you picked the ones you did!

Life is good right now.

East and I were in Calgary this weekend for one of his fights, and Van stayed home and had a sleep over at Grandma’s house. This morning as we were walking through the mall Christmas shopping, he reached out and grabbed my hand. A smile instantly fell on my face, and I thought to myself, “I don’t remember hte last time I was this happy”.

Life is good, oh so good, and I’m soaking it all in, and trying to live each moment to the fullest.

Here are a few of the family pictures we took this fall (September) just a few weeks before Donovan started to walk. And those smiles are not faked, that’s pure joy…

(click on each photo to enlarge) Sorry if the format of the pictures is a bit wonky, I’m not sure how to fix that.

Yesterday, before I put Donovan to bed, I told him,

“If we are lucky, when you wake up tomorrow, the world will be a different place”

Well Donovan, I am happy to say, we got lucky. Thank you America for voting in President Elect Obama! Thank you for giving yourselves a chance and the rest of the world hope!

So much of what happens in America affects the rest of the world, especially us up here in Canada, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for electing someone that has the potential to turn this place around. Someone who truly is of the people and for the people.

Now do us all a favor, and hold him accountable!

We are all in this together, lets turn this ship around and start making some positive changes….

Ok, maybe not ever

*lol, while I’m typing this, East is singing to me in the background,… he he he*

anyway, maybe not the best day EVER, but the best day with my new travel job! Today I booked 7 all inclusive vacations (it was a group that wanted to travel together) and I booked a hotel room and a return cross boarder flight!!! Seriously, BEST DAY EVER.

I was starting to doubt this job, and think that I might have to go back to work at a real job, you know one in an office. Which frankly, I still might, but today, if things keep going like today, then we will be ok.

Wooowhoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone else wanna book a trip???

 

Also, I made Candy Apples today, so if you want one, stop on by tomorrow

I should probably be cleaning, or at the very least folding laundry, or maybe replacing the filter in the hot tub. But right now, all I can bring myself to do it sit here.

I feel like this week has been a little crazy. I’ve loved it, and it hasn’t been THAT much busier then other weeks, but I’ve always been on the go, no down time for me. I tried to sneak in some me time the other evening (ok two evenings in a row) but what ended up happening was I got lost on the computer, East felt ignored and I felt bad.

So in these last few mins of Vans’ nap, rather then bustling around to get everything done, I’m sitting.

Let’s all it a sanity break shall we???

This will probably be a quick post, I have just enough time to write this while Van is on the other side of the room, climbing on the couch and “playing” with Panther.

Last week we started an un-planned (mostly) surprise (kinda) kitchen renovation.

Let me clarify that. About 2 weeks ago East mentioned that there was a kitchen at work that a customer rejected because they didn’t like the final colour the cabinets were stained. He noticed that it fit the layout of our kitchen almost perfectly, and said that depending on what the kitchen manufactures said, we might be able to keep it, FOR FREE! He also told me not to get too excited, because we had to wait for the final work from the manufacture.
So I smiled, said I would love a new kitchen, and put it in the back of my mind.

About a week later he called me in to look at the cabinets to make sure that I actually liked them (which I did) but said he was still waiting for the final word on whether or not we could have them.

That Thursday he told me that we were given the green light to have the kitchen! I was thrilled! But he then said we would have to wait until one of the installers was freed up, because they were really busy, and he wasn’t sure when we would actually GET the kitchen in our house. I was mentally preparing for February or March.

Friday I went into see him, and the installer that he wanted to use for our house, had a cancallation for the following Monday (which if you were counting was 2 days away). New kitchen it was! Sunday I cleaned out the cabinets, and Monday the kitchen was ripped out.

So we’ve been busy lately! The new kitchen is mostly in, we are still waiting on countertops (they were delayed because we didn’t order them early, because we didn’t think we would be getting the kitchen this fast!) We are also waiting on a few cabinet doors. Also I need to order the tile for the back-splash (which I think we finally picked out) and I will be installing that myself after the countertops gets in!

So pictures will be posted when it’s all finished. I’ve been snapping away as the progress continues, so I should have quite the collection for you once it’s done!

Van is back over here, and diaper duty calls!

Hope you are all doing well! I’ll try to post more soon!!